never would have come this way...

More and more I'm aware of the periphery, or, at least, aware that it is banal and faithless. Seeking, journeying, wondering, screaming--it all seems futile, until I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:11, and the promise (hopeful? frightening?) that "[God] has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
Grasping for the unreachable (and it may always be this way, I'm coming to understand) is thus given a greater context. This rotten, horrid, sinful shell of a girl has but one purpose, and the deep desire to fulfill this purpose carries with it a necessary leaving behind, a forgetting of duty, obligation, utilitarian expectations.

Lord, may I only seek after You, after whatever little pieces you offer. I'll take any of the crumbs You condescend to wipe off Your table. They are never wholly satisfying, but perhaps this is what You've intended all along. May I never cease my seeking. May I live--truly live--here, but never find this mortal world quite enough. Oh, Deus Absconditus, part the veil but a little bit more!


We made it to a strange town
Going down the wrong road
Like any story retold
Couldn't find a common ending
We're way gone, be gone, looking for our own way

We needed a distraction
You said you were redemption

We knew it as a wrong turn
We couldn't know the things we'd gain
When we reach the other border
We look out way down past the road we came from

We're looking at redemption
It was hidden in the landscape
Of loss and love and fire and rain
Never would come this way
Looking for redemption

We were looking out past the road we came from

Looking at redemption
Hidden in the landscape
Of loss and love and fire and rain
Never would have come this way
Looking for redemption
In the eyes of sorrow, eyes of rage
What a sordid histories they played
The drama of redemption
Redemption

-Jars of Clay